I often find myself wondering how different my life would have been had I taken the time to find the "right" person instead of settling for anyone. This isn't to say that I picked people that were not quality people.. at first.. but if I had been patient and really taken the time to pause and truly look, I may have seen what eventually awaited me!
Today is my introduction into blogging. I have been toying with the idea for a few years now, and being a staunch procrastinator I just never got around to starting it! Today's the day.
I am a single mom with 7 wonderful children, I have been single for the past 7 years by "forcible choice". Explanation:
While I would certainly choose to keep my family intact, have a father figure around for my kids, and to not be single... I was not willing to allow myself to continue in the cycle of abuse that I had found myself. It took me quite sometime to realize the long term damage that this relationship was going to cause for my children; but once I did it took me a short time to GET OUT. I look back on that time with disgrace at my fear and inability to change the situation sooner.
Those days still haunt me to some extent, triggers causing negative emotions, children who must go visit the monster every other week and the continued struggle to remain autonomous from a man who tried so desperately to break my spirit.. I am resolved to NEVER let that happen.
Why did I leave and what helped me to confirm my decision to do so?
One woman, her name on yahoo was pantherbitch, and she changed my life forever. She was domestic violence advocate and opened my eyes to the evil that was harming my children.. Not the evil of HIM hurting me, but a far worse evil.. The continuation of the cycle of violence into their adult lives, as women, who would most likely choose someone just like HIM as a partner.. Did I want that for my daughters? NEVER. He had hurt me, but I was not going to let this craziness continue!
She helped me find the strength, resources and resolve to leave, AND I DID!
Getting away was not easy, not in the logistical sense but in the sense of I had 7 children to raise, by myself.. Where was I going to go? With no support, no family that cared or even wanted to know the truth, just me..
I made it, 6 years later, here I am!
To anyone who is in similar situations, YOU can do it also, you can get away from the abuse, do better for your children and hold your head high! It's possible, keep your eyes on the prize! There is light at the end of that dark tunnel you are in.. I promise